Bloom Where You’re Planted

Photo Cred: Julie Livingston Photography 

Raise your hand if you’re guilty of avoiding obstacles like “if I close my eyes, it will go away”. Yeah, me too.

I’ve been talking about change for the past few posts, and as exciting as it can be, it can also be a little scary.

Since moving to Charleston, I’ve felt ready to become more involved in the blogging culture here. I’ve been fantasizing about having fashionista girlfriends that wear flower crowns and post filtered group shots of ‘The Crew” wearing them on Instagram. I pretended that there were already so many bloggers here that it didn’t matter if I wasn’t one of them, so…I wasn’t one of them. But, then one Friday night, I decided to buy some new preset photo filters and was determined to install them on my phone, even if I wasn’t sure what the heck that even meant. And I did. And then I started following more bloggers and commenting on their posts.  And then other bloggers started reaching out to me and inviting me to events. And then I signed up for a flower crown-making event and found out some of my new blogging friends would be there. And suddenly, I’m with new fashionista girlfriends in a filtered group shot on Instagram.

After being involved in the Interior Design community in Philadelphia, I’ve felt ready to be more involved in the close-knit design community here in Charleston. I’ve been craving the kind of creative girlfriends that meet up at a new hotel just to touch the flooring to determine if it’s actually reclaimed hardwood or a fab laminate. So, I pretended that I didn’t work here anyway and all of my reps are in Philly, so these contacts aren’t helpful now. But then, my projects started wrapping up at work and the opportunity to start building my career in Charleston opened up. And then I contacted a group on social media to become more involved. And then an architect sent me a message saying her team could use some help with new projects and ‘could I send over some of my work?’ And I did. And then I signed up for the group’s networking event this week at a reclaimed wood vendor. And suddenly, I’m with creative women who are meeting up downtown to touch reclaimed wood flooring.

I moved to Charleston because although my career was in full swing,  I was ready for the rest of my life to begin. And now that it has, I’m ready to really blossom and bloom where I’ve planted myself.

 

 

Advertisements

The New Normal

I’ve got a thousand incredible things happening to me now. Yet…the past few months I’ve been feeling uncomfortable, as if I’m shedding an old skin that doesn’t quite fit. “New patterns, new patterns”, I keep repeating to myself, “This is good! This is healthy! If you’re feeling anxious, it’s because you’re on the verge of change!”

This past Christmas, my younger brother said to me sadly, “It doesn’t even feel like the holidays. Is it always going to be like this now?” You know what he means. While the kids have all grown up and moved away, the traditions have diminished and faded out with them. New traditions with new family begins to emerge, but it takes a while for these new things to feel like old traditions.

On the eve of my 30th birthday, I sobbed into my pillow. This might not seem surprising, as it’s extremely common for women to “turn 29” multiple times, but I was actually really excited for what was to come in my thirties. Yet, I couldn’t help but mourn the loss of my twenties and all of the things I wished I had accomplished during that decade. And then – once that was over – I felt fierce.

I recently met an incredible man who is all of the things I’ve ever asked for – witty, handsome, intelligent, romantic, adventurous AND committed, thoughtful, hardworking, respectful, handy, emotionally intelligent, masculine, introspective, amusing, responsible (except for earlier this week when all of my banana pudding that I accidentally left in his fridge mysteriously vanished…lol), good listener, practical, easy going, close with his family, wants to get married, wants to have children, and insanely laugh-until-you-cry funny. Meeting him has got me all kinds of excited for what could be.  He makes me feel calm about moving forward, not scared or nervous. I trust him. I knowww – this is kind of a big deal for me *squeal* If this is really what I’ve been waiting for, it’s time to kiss goodbye every man of my past and any other that could be a man of my future.  If this is really what I’ve been waiting for, it’s time to slow down the momentum of “Are we there yet?” and coast into “It’s happening now!” All this joy has just got me reflecting on where I am now and respecting what’s got me here.

Work has always been the one thing that has been consistent in my life. Whenever the rest of my life was incredibly amazing or incredibly unbearable, my job has kept me sane. Since our company is growing, I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to take on more exciting projects. With that comes new challenges, some of which aren’t as as easily hurtled as I would have hoped. I know that getting out of your comfort zone means that you’ll make mistakes, and be stressed out, and be critical of yourself. And I am all of those things. But, I’m trying to be nicer to myself while I’m learning, more constructively critical of myself while I’m improving, excited while I’m experiencing the opportunity to learn, and grateful while having a knowledgable team surrounding me. But, yeah, its uncomfortable while I’m figuring out how I fit in here.

When I moved into my beautiful Southern home, I had 2 neighbors with apartments in the same house. One had been here for several years and we bonded over our creative fields and the removal of rogue lizards in my apartment. The other moved in a week after me, and we met when I invited him into my bedroom…to dispose of a cockroach at 1am. These were the first people that shared my space when I moved in to this new town, and they both moved out this week. I don’t know them well enough to keep in touch, but I knew them well enough to feel a sort of emptiness when they left.

My family just experienced the loss of a loved one, so that has been weighing heavy on my heart. The feeling I have knowing that people I love are hurting is…hollow. I just talked to my cousin today and she said it would “take a while before everyone is comfortable with the new normal.” And I couldn’t have said it better.

That’s exactly what this feeling is – getting comfortable with the new normal. It’s big, and exciting, and sad, and scary, and fun, and uncertain, and exhilarating, and reflective, and melancholy, and new, and all of those things. Yet, we have to embrace it, but not too tightly, because as soon as we get used to our new skin, we’ll shed it again.

 

Fishing on the Right Side of the Boat

Can you believe that the whole time I was abroad, the writing bug alluded me? Why is it that other obligations – like a full-time job – cause divine inspiration? I’ve never been more compelled to write than on a Tuesday morning at 10am when I have 3 projects on my desk…

With this spring weather, I’m feeling all of the intense anticipation of the season. You know when you were in school and it started to get warm, and all you could think about was summer break? Well, this past weekend it was almost 80 degrees, and I’m ready for the sun, the beach, and anything else the warmth brings. I can’t help but feel like some awesome gifts are coming my way and I’m ready to make some adjustments to allow all of them to flow into my experience.

This Sunday’s sermon was about “learning to fish on the right side of the boat”. What you’re used to doing is your way, not God’s way, and often the results are “fish-less”. But, once you give it up to Him, and move to the right side of the boat, your nets will be breaking with the abundance. I still go back and forth about my faith and what I believe to be true, but I will say that no matter what you believe, you can probably identify with the idea that if you’re doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, then you’re just…insane. You have to be willing to do something you’ve never done before in order to achieve something you’ve never achieved. So, with this in mind, I’m making a seriously conscious effort to rid myself of patterns, people, and thinking that no longer is serving me. Its 2019, the Year of Adventure, and I’m feeling the happiest I ever have and I am SO excited for what is already mine, and just waiting to be gifted to me.

Happy Spring!

❤ Sarah

 

 

Accepting Reality

Chris Harrison: This is the most dramatic post ever written on The Huntress Blog.

As I watched Colton get his heart broken by Cassie on The Bachelor, I unexpectedly felt tears stream down my face. I was familiar with that pit in his stomach, that feeling that “This is not actually happening to me right now. It’s not real” running on repeat through your mind. But it IS real. The love of your life (or your life as you know it up to that point) is walking away. And to be honest with you, the feelings that remind me of this are much closer than when John walked away almost 5 years ago. I’ve definitely been falling in love after that. Thankfully. *Hair toss*

Today, I felt Colton’s pain so raw like it was happening to me. Sometimes, I actually feel like I’m living my own Bachelorette series. There’s fewer than 25 guys, but that’s almost easier, right? It’s much harder when there’s only a few and you really start making connections. When you know their siblings names and how they broke their first bone. Like Colton, I think one of my greatest fears is being in a relationship only to realize it’s not being reciprocated. A relationship where I’m more in love, or one where I’m not able to match their feelings for me. Both are equally unsettling.

If you’re the one giving more, and your partner decides you’re not for them, the feeling can best be described as someone hollowing you out, removing everything that’s kept you alive, made you feel, allowed you to think, and just letting it sit there next to you. “Here’s good.”

On the flip side, the feeling of being in a relationship that’s just “nice”, makes you feel like you’ve let yourself down. That you might never find that fire that you’re looking for. I’ve had the fire. I know what love feels like for me. I know how it feels for me with different people. And I know when the wick has been sparked. I can tell that I’m going to love someone long before I actually love them. And I can tell when the match isn’t striking.

I’ve been in Colton’s shoes, where you just cannot stop thinking about someone. Every day you put your makeup on in hopes that your paths will cross. When you hear a joke, you feel like you’re bursting at the seams until you can tell your person and laugh together. When something awesome happens or when you’ve had your least favorite day ever, all you want to do is feel their presence in the same room, even if it’s a silent touch. That feeling of being terrified and safe, excited and comfortable, planning your future and enjoying your moments, laughing uncontrollably and seriously understanding, feeling dolled up and naturally beautiful, sharing physical electricity and complete mental immersion, approaching life as adventurous and committed, giving confirmation and receiving confirmation ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Well, shit. If that doesn’t feel like love, I don’t know what will. That doesn’t mean that’s what love IS. It needs to be all of the things love IS and feel exhilarating. Amen!

The most crazy part about all of this, is that when you’ve experienced “it not working out” enough times, you can breeze through your longing bravely. You’re not moping around under a dark cloud, you’re singing, and laughing, and looking freakin’ fabulous, and enjoying every delicious piece of joy that God and The Universe is handing to you. Maybe that’s the Denial stage…but I’ve found it’s really quite helpful refusing to believe that you are where you are, because once you’ve come to terms with your reality, you’re already on to what’s next for you. If the only thing that being “in love does”, is remind you how you want to feel, then, maybe that’s enough? Just thinking out loud here…

I thought about censoring this, because “you never know who’s reading”, but then that would really defeat the purpose of me writing honestly, wouldn’t it? I mean, this is my gift. I am a woman who speaks her mind in voice and in typed words. I get inspired and I need to get.it.out. NOW. And yes, if we’ve gone on dates and there’s been a connection, I’m going to write about you, tastefully. That’s what I do, that’s who I am, that’s another part of me to love. Will it be in a short blog post? Maybe. Will it be in my inspirational book that has an undisclosed release date? Probably. Curious? There’s still time to get your own chapter – I haven’t handed out my final rose.