You Asked For It: Dating Wisdom

I’ve been finding myself in a few dating situations lately where I’ve managed to really stand up for myself, reflect on a part of my life that wasn’t clear before, or even help friends with their dating struggles. One of my friends told me that I should write about it (why didn’t I think of that?!) And so, because I felt so inspired today, I’m taking her advice to dish out some advice of my own.

Now, you may know how I feel about advice, if you’ve read this post, which talks about how I’ve been trying to stop asking for advice and follow my own intuition. Maybe “advice” isn’t the best word. Maybe “wisdom” is better? Overall, I just want to share some situations that have happened to me and what I’ve done to get past the obstacles and keep moving forward.

SITUATION 1: Guy asks for first date at 7:30pm days in advance, yet on the day of, sends intermittent texts from 7:30-9:00, then trails off without actually confirming plans

SOLUTION: Respond by texting, “I’m thinking that tonight isn’t going to happen, no worries. I have a couple of other things I would like to do tonight, and waiting for you to respond isn’t one of them. Have a good night!”

BENEFIT: You get to go on a date with someone else instead, write a blog post, fold laundry, call your best friend, watch Dateline, paint your nails, cook a fantastic dinner, or stay at home without wearing pants. But mostly, you get to stand up for yourself and make it light-hearted. No, you’re not going to throw yourself on your bed sobbing yourself to sleep, but you ARE letting him know that you have higher standards and that you are a highly sought-after commodity who doesn’t accept that kind of behavior.

 

SITUATION 2: Sober man at party is catcalling, making inappropriate comments, and being offensive to you and your friends

SOLUTION: Walk over and say POLITELY and SINCERELY, “You have been extremely obnoxious this whole evening while I’m trying to have a conversation with my friends.” *Look in their eyes, so they can see that you’re talking person-to-person* “It’s really inappropriate. So, I’d really appreciate that for the rest of the party, you can tone it down, OK? Have fun, but please respect us.” This only works if you’re actually sincere. You can’t have an attitude while saying this. You need to rouse feelings of remorse rather than defensiveness.

BENEFIT: You’re standing up for yourself when most women would put their bitch-face on and curse this guy out. That’s what he’s probably used to. By approaching this head-on, you’re catching him off-guard, and likely to get an honest respect.

SITUATION 3: New (or old) relationship is feeling a little “off”. You talk all of the time, but it feels like there’s no communication. You try to do nice things for him, but it’s like all of your actions are going unnoticed.

SOLUTION: Ever hear of the The Five Love Languages? Yeah, well, once I started reading about them, it pretty much blew my mind. You often do for others what you’d like done for you, but if you’re not speaking the same love language, there can be so much miscommunication, when there doesn’t need to be. There I was showering my partner with texts and notes gushing about how much I loved him (Words of Affirmation) and letting the dishes sit in the sink so we could spend a quiet night together (Quality Time), when what he really needed to feel loved, was for me to offer to cook dinner (Acts of Service) and pick up a little something for him when I was out “just because” (Receiving Gifts). What’s funny is that often you don’t even think about this, you just realize that something’s missing when it’s not happening. This man was not a material person, yet, he liked small presents.

BENEFIT: You FINALLY get to “talk” to your partner in ways that mean something to THEM.

 

SITUATION 4: Boy you’ve been dating for several months goes out to a bar with you and blatantly flirts and exchanges numbers with another woman right in front of you, completely humiliating you in front of his friends. Then asks, “Are you mad?!”

SOLUTION: Talk to this man-child about the situation once you have a chance to be alone. The fact that he’s asked you “Are you mad?!” indicates that this is a “prepared response”, meaning he’s done this before and is used to self-sabotaging relationships by creating situations where the woman breaks things off, so he doesn’t have to. Similar to Situation 2, most girls would probably slap him in the face, call him a f*ckboy, and maybe even throw her drink at him. But not you, you Glorious Goddess. By having an adult conversation with him in private, you are handling this like a woman. You are forcing him to man-up and face an action that was more embarrassing to him than it was to you. You could say something like, “If you are still looking to date around, that’s totally fine. You should do whatever and whoever you want then! But that kind of behavior is really unacceptable to me, personally. I have higher standards that need to be met, in order for me to invest any more time in someone.” I can report that this interaction caused this particular guy to:

  1. Apologize
  2. Open up about a whole bunch of other deep-seeded issues he was facing
  3. Tell the truth
  4. Turn off his defense mechanisms
  5. Self-reflect about his behavior
  6. Tell me he loved me
  7. Continue contacting me after we both agreed the relationship was over

I do believe that some people have different capacities to love, and that one person’s 100% still may not be enough. Not a bad thing, just not the right thing. Whether or not the constant contact is behavior typical of today’s 30-something male who loves staying a “text’s distance away” is highly debated amongst my friends, however, it’s proof that you can still show your worth and he won’t run away (but with that behavior, who cares if he does!) They seem to like knowing that you’re holding them to a higher standard, even if they don’t attempt to achieve it.

BENEFIT: First, you get to move onto a man who can’t take his eyes off of you! But for your own pride, you’ve stood out against other women by behaving like a woman, not a girl. This guy won’t ever be able to forget you. You might just turn his whole world upside-down by showing him that there is another way of handling things. That’s not guaranteeing a lasting relationship, but certainly creating a lasting effect. #illtakethehighroad

SITUATION 5: After a few dates, you realize that the nice man you’re seeing (you know, the one who’s TOTALLY into you) is not The One, and you aren’t reciprocating the feelings.

SOLUTION: Thank him for the time you spent together, say you weren’t vibing, and keep it light. Inevitably, this type of nice guy is going to ask you “Why?” To which you will ALWAYS respond again (paraphrasing your orignal sentiment), “I didn’t feel like we were vibing the way we need to, in order to continue” or “I’m looking for chemistry that I didn’t feel was there.” There might be a couple of other quirks, or beliefs, or traits that combined with pages and vibes weren’t working for you. But, if you feel final in your verdict, be final in your delivery. Leaving it open ended can cause huge amounts of hurt and confusion, where the man tries to find the loophole to get you back in that instant.

BENEFIT: Ugh. Why do they always want to know why? NOTHING, and I mean, NOTHING good can come out of answering this question more fully. Think about it this way: What if you asked a guy that you were super into why it wasn’t working, and he said “You know, your family is just too loud and opinionated, and it was too stressful for me to be around them.” Ummm, guess what? It’s possible that you end up feeling a little self-conscious about introducing your new man to your loud, fun Italian family because you’re afraid that he’ll leave too. Meanwhile, that same new boyfriend has been hoping, wishing, praying that he’d meet a crazy fun family that would make him feel like one of their own. And now, you’re making him miss out, because of some other bozo who wasn’t right for you. Don’t make a man self-conscious for a trait that YOU weren’t into. The next woman might be looking for exactly that.

Hope that helps! I could really go on, but until we have more situations, this will have to do!

❤ The Huntress

 

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What 4 Years and Some Sunshine (and palm trees) Can Do…

Hi Y’all!

I FINALLY made my move to Charleston! And I’m that happiest that I’ve ever been. The kind of happy that’s not because of anyone, but because of the peace I feel inside. I went grocery shopping today – like, maybe the most mundane errand ever- and as I was unloading my cart, I thought about how freakin’ happy I am, even to be putting bags of food into my car. How fortunate am I that I can live my idea of a dream life? How happy am I that I worked really hard to be exactly where I am. Right now. In THIS moment.

Today marks 4 years since my life changed forever. It became a turning point, to which all other events in my life either fall “before” or “after”. There was a time when I thought I could never be myself again. How could I, when I didn’t even know who that was? I felt hollow. I felt like I lost all of my identity. I had no idea that I was just beginning to find it.

Many people told me stories about someone they knew who lived through the devastating loss of a “forever” relationship. They told me the ex-bride was doing well. I asked how long ago it happened. They said 2 years. I remember thinking that I wasn’t sure if I could make it 2 hours, let alone 2 years. And here I am today feeling like it happened to an old acquaintance. If someone recorded me telling my story and played it back to me now, I would honestly gather their hands in mine and tell them I can’t imagine the pain they feel. It’s like your mind goes into preservation mode and makes you forget, so that you can keep going forward. A few weeks after John left, my aunt gathered all of her friends, my friends, and our family and asked them to write me beautiful letters of love and encouragement. I still have them in a little box, and I pull them out occasionally to remind me how much I’m loved. There was one in particular that always has stuck with me. My aunt’s friend wrote, “Just as shattered glass is used to make a beautiful stained glass window…one day dear Sarah…one day your own shattered glass around you now, will come together as a magnificent window.”

Wow.

Hopefully that gives you a better idea of the kind of window I am now. Made of tiny pieces of shattered glass: sharp when I need to be strong, colorful when I need to brighten someone’s day, bold enough to speak my mind, soft enough to filter harshness, clear enough to spread light.

If you are going through something that seems impossible, I can promise you that it does get better. Let me shine for you and tell you that I am proof of the colorful light at the end of the tunnel. There is so much joy to be had. Every day is made just for your enjoyment!

❤ The Huntress

On The Hunt: Purses, Pants, and Pom Poms (just for fun)

You ready to talk about some new things I want?? Because there’s always more, and I’m never done! Just part of the joy of life!

Since I’ve made the decision to move, I’ve really been doing a lot of self-reflection about my style. I’ve completely cleaned out my closet by donating all of my “Philly” clothes to GoodWill and posting the rest on PoshMark. It felt SO great to make room for new clothes that feel more me now, which reminds me of this classic 😂

Let’s jump right in!

Monogrammed Scalloped Cross Body Purse The epitome of Southern style is the monogram, so I’ve suddenly started craving some embroidered initials of my own. I found this sweet one, but it’s currently sold out. I definitely put in my email address for when it comes back in stock 😳Plan B: Etsy. They totally delivered and I found several identical bags from different vendors. I think I might go for one of these from PoppyPine.

I already have a hot pink cross body, but isn’t the Coral uh-maz-ing?? All it needs is a seersucker dress, straw hat, and a matching coral lip *swoon* Or, I could do the tan. Or the cork. All with straw hat and coral lip, obviously.

White Denim And I’ve still never got my hands on white denim pants. I did find a pair of these distressed Blue Spice cuties on Bob’s Stores. Never heard of it, but at $29.99, that’s totally reasonable! 

For years, my job is to source the most trendy, desirable, and cool AF furniture. So, naturally, I’m exposed to lots of unique pieces…So, naturally, I’ve wanted everything…So, naturally, I’ve changed my mind about what I like…a thousand times. This has resulted in not purchasing anything new (just furniture, duh!) – with the exception of the gorg Montclair sofa from crate&barrel in 2014. But that’s basically like forever ago, so yeah, it’s about time for some new stuff!

Pom Pom Bedding After my last bedroom post, I started to get real antsy about my new bedding. I’ve had my current duvet cover since it rose to “stardom” in 2014. But, it’s overused and I’m over it. I’m a completely different person with a new life in a new city, and I don’t think it’s too much to ask to have my bedding reflect it. *drops mic*

I’ve really been craving some all-white bedding. You know the feeling – climbing into clean, crisp, cool sheets after a hot summer day. Bring on the daydream! Since I am a self-described whimsical woman, I thought maybe Berber Wares’ fun pom pom quilt would be the perfect light-weight cover for the warmer months.

But the price is a bit steep, $244 for a Queen, without matching shams. Yikes. Guess I’m not eating for a month…

So maybe this one by Sweet Home Bedding via Amazon? But it also doesn’t include shams.

Grrr. Is it a quilt with no matching shams OR sleeping with a heavy duvet in a non-airconditioned apartment that keeps me up at night?

And then when the temps drop, I’ll add this winter white duvet cover with matching shams from Amazon.

*Separately, I just cancelled my Prime membership a month ago today, because I’m the only person in the world who doesn’t compulsively buy on Amazon – I prefer to compulsively shop in person – and of course, now I’m shopping A to Z on the daily*

Thanks for listening!

 

 

 

 

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Photoshop Fun: Charleston Bedroom

Hope you enjoyed my Living Room reveal!

Now, I want to show you my Bedroom. First, I want to share some overall photos, so you can get a better idea of how the room looks!


How do you feel about those green walls?? And the tiny sink in the corner, because there’s no sink in the bathroom 😳 But the fireplace is SO cozy! So, let’s see the BEFORE and AFTER.

I’m thinking of having the walls painted bright white, along with the trim – and I guess the fireplace too (still figuring that out) and painting the upper part of the walls above the picture rail in a soft blush. All of the furniture is my own, with the addition of the same long white linen drapery that I used in the Living Room. The ceilings are super tall and my current curtains are too short! I’ll replace my bedding with a fresh, white duvet or quilt, and crisp shams. See that little gold pineapple mirror? I just snagged it on sale from Michael’s a few weeks ago. And it’s currently on sale again for $11.99! I thought it was so perfect for Charleston, but still looks classy, not kitschy.

I’m thinking of using Velcro to add a beige linen skirt under the sink to hide a basket with my straighteners, curling irons, and brushes, since I’ll be getting ready in my bedroom. You’ll understand once I share my bathroom reveal…

Thanks for staying on for the tour! Stay tuned for more soon!

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Photoshop Fun: Charleston Living Room

Hi Ya’ll!

I KNOW you’ve been patiently waiting to see some BEFORE & AFTERS. Am I right? Well, today is your lucky day!

Check out the Living Room BEFORE. Not loving the 2 tone walls or the yellowy tile on the fireplace. It just needs some love!Heck yasss!! Now that’s an AFTER!

I “painted” the walls a soft griege – actual Sherwin Williams color to be determined! I freshened up all of the trim and used black paint over the yellow tile to make the firebox appear larger. Then I just added my own furniture and a *few* new pieces 🙂

I hope you feel just as sophisticated as I feel when I come home!

Cha-Cha-Cha-nging to Cha-rleston

Hello Friends!

I know it’s been SO long since I’ve posted, and you know it’s always because I’m out enjoying life. But…

I’m FINALLY moving to Charleston! This incredible photo I took on my last visit is *basically* going to be my view EVERY DAY!

Last year, my friend, Abbey, gave me a pocket journal. When I visited on March 21, 2017, I brought it with me and wrote things like “I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be at any time and if I’m being truly honest with myself, then I need to be here”, “It’s the most magical place on earth”, “I just love it and I don’t want to go home” You know, real subtle proclamations of love. 😂 So, a year and a day later, when I found myself in Charleston again, I opened the journal and read my words. Everything just clicked. I was having such an amazing time, I extended my trip, and decided I needed to do it fo’ realz.

Once the decision was made, I started to look for a place. Back in April, I found a cute little studio in an amazing location, with a fireplace, parking, and even a sweet entry that I could make into an office, since I’ll be working from home for a few months. But, it was over-budget. While I was negotiating pricing, it got leased out from under me, and I was so disappointed. How am I ever going to find anything that compare to that?! *Insert Universe laughing*

And then –

I found a beautiful gem of an apartment…a huge one bedroom…in an old mansion…with 2 fireplaces…10 foot ceilings…transom windows…wood inlaid floors…1 block from the water…right on budget…and I’m allowed to make renovations (ahhh!) The cherry on top was signing my lease on my 32nd birthday (double ahhh!!) I’m not going to lie, I might actually be the luckiest woman in the entire world.

The past 4 years have been extremely transformational and if this is my “consolation” for the challenges I’ve faced, then I’ll take it – gladly!

I’ll be photoshopping some of the rooms, since “rough” is a good word to describe my new home’s current state 😂 I’m SO excited to share the Before and Afters with you. So keep your eyes open for a Sneak Peek in the next couple of days!

❤ The Huntress

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Thank You

Happy Valentine’s Day! As I get older, I have the benefit of experience to make sure I am attracting only quality people into my life. Sometimes they don’t stay as long as I’d like, but yet, they really leave an extra large imprint in an extra small amount of time.

This is a huge Thank You to those who have shared their kindness, their time, their insecurities, their humor, their kisses, their dreams, and their honesty. You have filled my heart with joy, laughter, and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of love.