I FINALLY made my move to Charleston! And I’m that happiest that I’ve ever been. The kind of happy that’s not because of anyone, but because of the peace I feel inside. I went grocery shopping today – like, maybe the most mundane errand ever- and as I was unloading my cart, I thought about how freakin’ happy I am, even to be putting bags of food into my car. How fortunate am I that I can live my idea of a dream life? How happy am I that I worked really hard to be exactly where I am. Right now. In THIS moment.
Today marks 4 years since my life changed forever. It became a turning point, to which all other events in my life either fall “before” or “after”. There was a time when I thought I could never be myself again. How could I, when I didn’t even know who that was? I felt hollow. I felt like I lost all of my identity. I had no idea that I was just beginning to find it.
Many people told me stories about someone they knew who lived through the devastating loss of a “forever” relationship. They told me the ex-bride was doing well. I asked how long ago it happened. They said 2 years. I remember thinking that I wasn’t sure if I could make it 2 hours, let alone 2 years. And here I am today feeling like it happened to an old acquaintance. If someone recorded me telling my story and played it back to me now, I would honestly gather their hands in mine and tell them I can’t imagine the pain they feel. It’s like your mind goes into preservation mode and makes you forget, so that you can keep going forward. A few weeks after John left, my aunt gathered all of her friends, my friends, and our family and asked them to write me beautiful letters of love and encouragement. I still have them in a little box, and I pull them out occasionally to remind me how much I’m loved. There was one in particular that always has stuck with me. My aunt’s friend wrote, “Just as shattered glass is used to make a beautiful stained glass window…one day dear Sarah…one day your own shattered glass around you now, will come together as a magnificent window.”
Hopefully that gives you a better idea of the kind of window I am now. Made of tiny pieces of shattered glass: sharp when I need to be strong, colorful when I need to brighten someone’s day, bold enough to speak my mind, soft enough to filter harshness, clear enough to spread light.
If you are going through something that seems impossible, I can promise you that it does get better. Let me shine for you and tell you that I am proof of the colorful light at the end of the tunnel. There is so much joy to be had. Every day is made just for your enjoyment!
❤ The Huntress