OK, so I know I didn’t post the past 2 weekends, but it’s not because I wasn’t writing. It’s almost like I had too many ideas. But I think the one that stood out to me most was my current experience with God. If you’re about to be like, “Ugh, bor-ing. Not reading…” I promise you, there might be something you find interesting. Or at least chuckle.
I was raised Catholic – I attended the same Catholic grade school AND high school that all 3 of my aunts did. My grandmother goes to Church every day but Sunday. I cried when the water baptized my tiny head. I wore a beautiful white dress at my First Holy Communion. I freaked out debating what sins to disclose while waiting in line for Confession. I rolled my kilt (I chose the “natural-looking” once fold, not twice, which always looked like foul play was involved) I even studied all 132 questions and answers in “The Packet”, in case Cardinal Bevilacqua – who apparently enjoys “buxom blondes” – pointed his staff at me for a response. But yet, something wasn’t vibing.
One of my earliest memories of questioning my faith was after receiving my score on a 3rd grade Religion test. The question was: When the priest consecrates the bread and wine during mass, it is a symbol of Christ’s body and blood. TRUE or FALSE? For those of you that said FALSE – Congratulations! You must have also gone to Catholic school and know that it’s not a symbol, but it actually becomes the body and blood of Christ. For those of you who said TRUE, it’s a symbol – Welcome to Camp Sarah. 24 years later and I’d still answer the exact same way. It will never reconcile with me that because a man whose studied God’s word says a blessing, that bread and wine become flesh and blood. Do I think it’s a beautiful symbol? Yes. Do I think that maybe there’s some miracle stories in the Bible that are true? Probably, but maybe with some exaggeration for emphasis. Do I think that miracles happen today? Of course.
By the time I reached 12th grade, I felt less like a Catholic, but more Christian. I had wonderful teachers who really spread God’s word in a way that teenagers could understand AND apply. If any high-school/college student is reading this and has the chance to go on a Kairos Retreat, GO!! This was one of the most wonderful, unexpected, life-changing spiritual experiences I’ve ever had. I think that’s when I really began to see Jesus as the kind of guy that was right next to me in prayer, rather than far away in a magical cloud. I also had lots of opportunities to implement what I was learning. For example, I signed the Chastity Pledge for Prom Night. It probably helped that I went with friend, not a boyfriend, as handsome as Jimmy was…
In college I was too busy figuring out romantic relationships with men, social relationships with friends, and spatial relationships with furniture to pay attention to my relationship with God. I said small prayers, here and there – “Please don’t let me get caught for underage drinking!”, “Please make this guy kiss me tonight!”, and things of that nature, but that was the extent.
I walked along that path until 2014. When I started my Solo-Journey-of-Becoming-a-Badass that year, I didn’t turn to God the way that most do during a crisis. Maybe because He wasn’t ever in my Top 5 Call List? I don’t know…I just knew He had my back long-term, so in the meantime, I needed something to DO. So, I turned to The Law of Attraction ft. Abraham Hicks *insert album photo*. I could go on for days about how much she helped me (and I have in this post, this post, and this post…) She gave me back some control in a time where I felt powerless. I went to see her live last year, and I continue to listen frequently when I need to calm my mind. So, basically, every day.
Fast forward to 2016 when I met my spirit-friend Abbey, who introduced me to Seacoast Church. I had never felt more welcome in a social place! Everyone there was happy, kind, and…gorgeous. Yeah, let’s stay here. So, when I finally moved to Charleston in 2018, it felt like I was coming home. Seacoast has been an incredible place to meet friends – surprisingly, they’re totally human – they drink, swear, and sleep with their boyfriends *gasp*. But, they also love A LOT. They check in, they encourage spiritual growth, they recommend books, they inspire me to become more involved, and they get me excited to LIVE! It has also been a great avenue to get involved with mentoring teen girls – since I seriously missed teaching my college Interior Design students. If any of you are reading this, I still think of you girls all the time!
Just because I love the feeling that I have while attending services, doesn’t mean I’m totally High on Jesus. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve closed my eyes and put my hands up during the worship songs, but I still have my questions. And I think I should! And as I just said aloud yesterday – “If you have questions, it does one of two things – it either strengthens your belief in one thing, or strengthens your belief in another.” Or makes you have more questions…so three things. Or makes you more confused…so four things. Anyway, you get the idea.
The Law of Attraction basically says that you are responsible for everything that happens to you. I can see evidence of that in my life. But, no pun intended, Dear God, thats’s a lot of responsibility! There are times that I can’t do it alone. And I don’t want to do it alone. I’ve really come to find peace in knowing that God has a plan for me, but that I get to figure out how I’m going to get there.
Peace and Love,
The Huntress ❤